Being 16, a high school senior, and a hormonal adolescent, its a given that i have a pretty blurry idea of what i want to be when i grow up. no i dont want to be a ballerina, a firefighter, or a movie star (however glamorous that would be..)
ive tried hard in high school to end up in a college that i, and when i say 'i' i mean my parents, can be proud of. im not gonna say im stupid and im not gonna say im a straight up genius (and im actually thankful, because those people die early and/or commit suicide more often. sorry adeel)
so when i think that i want to be a public relations manager in the future i, and when i say 'i' i mean my parents, believe that im cheating myself of my potential to be something better. but the thing is, thats really what i want to do. its not just the glamour, parties, posh-ness, the FABULOUSITY... i just love people! i love organizing events, meeting people, talking, making connections, getting things done.. whatever. i was totally meant for this job! its not just lauren conrad and whitney port that get to do this shit. its for me too! dont get me wrong, i've gone through at least 15 different career obsessions so dont expect this one to stick either. but still, i need some decisions under my belt!
but then again, my parents decide everything for me. whether it comes to what im wearing today, what im eating, what im saying, i predict that they'll have a significant impact, and when i say 'impact' i mean dominance/absolutecontrol, my entire life. they will totally decide my college, my major, my job, my house, my address (because my mom says that she wont visit me if the street name is unappealing to her), most likely my husband, and probably acceptable embryos from my uterus (mostly because my mother says that she wont babysit my children if they're ugly. so i guess her best bet would be to choose them herself as to prevent any unwanted surprises/disappointments, right?)
i was talking to my doctor the other day and i asked him, 'why do i feel so trapped and torn at the same time? like i need to be independent and not leave my house simultaneously?? and i want to make my own decisions but i dont want to think about it later." to this he replies 'because, presumably, you are trapped and torn at the same time and you do need to be independent and not leave the house simultaneously and you need to make decisions and you shouldnt think about it later, but all mentally of course.' um why does my mom have to pay a $20 co-pay to this guy to regurgitate the same information, but in better SAT vernacular, that has been swimming in my head for months??
until next time bitchez
ive tried hard in high school to end up in a college that i, and when i say 'i' i mean my parents, can be proud of. im not gonna say im stupid and im not gonna say im a straight up genius (and im actually thankful, because those people die early and/or commit suicide more often. sorry adeel)
so when i think that i want to be a public relations manager in the future i, and when i say 'i' i mean my parents, believe that im cheating myself of my potential to be something better. but the thing is, thats really what i want to do. its not just the glamour, parties, posh-ness, the FABULOUSITY... i just love people! i love organizing events, meeting people, talking, making connections, getting things done.. whatever. i was totally meant for this job! its not just lauren conrad and whitney port that get to do this shit. its for me too! dont get me wrong, i've gone through at least 15 different career obsessions so dont expect this one to stick either. but still, i need some decisions under my belt!
but then again, my parents decide everything for me. whether it comes to what im wearing today, what im eating, what im saying, i predict that they'll have a significant impact, and when i say 'impact' i mean dominance/absolutecontrol, my entire life. they will totally decide my college, my major, my job, my house, my address (because my mom says that she wont visit me if the street name is unappealing to her), most likely my husband, and probably acceptable embryos from my uterus (mostly because my mother says that she wont babysit my children if they're ugly. so i guess her best bet would be to choose them herself as to prevent any unwanted surprises/disappointments, right?)
i was talking to my doctor the other day and i asked him, 'why do i feel so trapped and torn at the same time? like i need to be independent and not leave my house simultaneously?? and i want to make my own decisions but i dont want to think about it later." to this he replies 'because, presumably, you are trapped and torn at the same time and you do need to be independent and not leave the house simultaneously and you need to make decisions and you shouldnt think about it later, but all mentally of course.' um why does my mom have to pay a $20 co-pay to this guy to regurgitate the same information, but in better SAT vernacular, that has been swimming in my head for months??
until next time bitchez
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